xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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