youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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