Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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