something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
