I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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