I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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