You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
