I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
