just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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