your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
