dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
