You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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