Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We're too hungover to prance.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
