I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
