We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
