My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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