ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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