i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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