I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
