so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
