saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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