I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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