I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
