The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
