I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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