Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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