Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
where are you?
Hypothermia
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
