help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
