i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is my gift to your gina
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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