I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
