if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
