yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
