that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
