and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
