why didn't you poke me back
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
