Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Randomize
