Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
