So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
