Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
