I met the friendliest cop last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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