is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
