Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We need a shit load of segways right now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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