I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
