So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
