Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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