Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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