Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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