What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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