he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
