im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
