My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She bit a glass in half.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
