it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
